Spring Fever



So several of us have been discussing libido for a few days now. It is Spring after all, and a Bacchanalian revelry would be mighty appreciated right about now. Again. Hold on...

"The flesh yearns to converse with other flesh."

Ok, I’m back. As I was saying. Libido. It has been argued on various blogs around here that men are taught to be ashamed of their desire. That men in general exert MORE self control on a regular basis than women. Some people (who shall remain nameless) have even gone so far as to say that it is almost excuseable behavior when men cheat on their wives, because the male libido is so much stronger. “It’s biology!” they cry. And I’ll agree, most men are horn dogs. But the point so many of you are missing is WOMEN ARE HORN DOGS, TOO.

“What. The. Fuck. Ever!” I hear you men shaking the rocks in your heads. The reason this is such a well kept secret is this: If men are truly taught to be ashamed of and hide their desire, women are taught not to have any desire at all. It just isn’t ladylike. We aren’t supposed to be really hungry, really drunk, or really horny. Follow along...
As a child, I began – er – pleasuring myself at an early age (probably too early). As I got older, I did not know any other girls who did this. If they did, they sure never talked about it. Neither did anyone else talk about or portray adolescent girls masturbating.



I knew that boys did this regularly. You couldn’t be a bus-rider in jr. high without realizing that boys really liked to whack off. But the subject of girls doing it never came up. Never. In sex-ed class, they never mentioned the hormonal dreams I was having. In the media I never saw a movie that implied girls masturbated too. My father never said, “You have to watch out for your own hormones. The boys are all going to be trying to get one thing. And you’ll want to get some too.” My mother never suggested regular masturbation as a method of keeping my likelihood of pregnancy and disease to a minimum. I never saw (or knew existed) a single porn magazine for women (and frankly, there still aren’t any good ones for us – let me know if I’m wrong about this). I felt like a freak my whole life before college when I finally met another girl who talked about masturbation and sex and how that was all we thought about most of the time (M, Berea just wouldn’t have been the same without you).



When I finally got old enough (and brave enough) to buy porn, I bought men’s porn. Just for the record, I don’t even like porn in general. It sort of turns me off sometimes – the un-reality of it all. It’s just so unlikely that my refrigerator repairman will come over at the exact moment I am getting in the shower – AND that he will be remotely attractive (and have a fully loaded – pistol). The one time I bought Playgirl, not only did I have to go to the huge, chain bookstore down the street to even find it, I felt like a complete weirdo as the fat middle-aged woman at the check-out frowned at me over her bifocals. It was more embarrassing buying Playgirl than it had been buying Playboy! WTF?! I’m sure the lady at the counter thought I was a nympho. Which brings me to my next point.

Do any of you know the word for a man that is addicted to sex? Nymphomaniac only applies to women. So what is the male version? Nobody? I didn’t think so. It’s called satyriasis or Don Juanism. No really, that’s what it’s called. Now somebody tell me the word for a guy who is slutty. No takers? There just aren’t as many derogatory words for horny men because it is assumed that is the natural state of being for men. The only one I could find in my Oxford Dictionary of Slang was “tom-cat” which dates back to 1927, which is probably the last time it was uttered.

So here’s my question: Do you all honestly believe that men have it harder (she said “harder”) than women when it comes to controlling themselves? We know they cheat more. Is that because they want to cheat more, they are biologically programmed to cheat more, or society is more permissive about their horniness and sexuality? Is it really that unusual, ladies, to be ravenous about sex? I’m putting it to you. I already know what I think.

“I like it too. It's a male myth about feminists that we hate sex. It can be a natural, zesty enterprise.” - Maud in The Big Lebowski